With the current state of affairs I’ve had the opportunity to talk with many people about who, what, why they are in the emotional state they are in.
Boundaries keep showing up.
What are boundaries?
Do you use them to keep people out or to keep yourself in?
For me boundaries are more about keeping myself contained, protected, humble, kind, present and are a constant work in motion.
For instance, its rude to be part of a conversation but playing with your phone the entire time someone else is talking, this personal boundary is “be polite to others” and be present.
Or, not saying the first angry thought that pops into my head in any triggering situation, this personal boundary is my commitment to good communication and self-control of my opinions. Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one but I dont necessarily want to see (or hear) it.
Boundaries should be yours, applied to yourself. Not yours applied to other people’s behavior, looks, opinion, status, etc. You have no control over other people so set healthy boundaries for you and worry less about that other person. For instance, one of my biggest pet peeves and a boundary I have had to set for myself is people wasting my time. It’s on me to draw back and say I’m out, I am not giving this situation any more of my time. I could sling words at the other person, get them to acknowledge they are wasting my time, but convincing them is wasting even more of my time. I choose to put my boundary into play by politely saying my time is valuable and this does not make good use of it, I’m done now. Make your boundaries apply to you and life will be less stressful.
Boundaries to keep people out are a little tricky. Self-protection, it’s important but to much and your bubble is not letting any of the good stuff in. Are you using it out of fear, conditioning, lessons learned? And is it valid? When we have a fear, anger, trauma response it is easy to put boundaries into place that do not serve our highest good. That is the ego working hard to keep the bad thing from happening again. Whittling those responses down to the source and discarding as much as you can is important to your well-being.
Learned boundaries of bigotry such as racism, classism, or stereotypes are notions about what is wrong, harmful, or out of place in Your life, not the person you are judging. That boundary’s only purpose is to divide you from your earth-mates.
Figuring out Your bad-ass boundaries will take work, but the end result is worth the effort. With less to defend and judge you will have more time to BE in the current moment, enjoying the opportunities brought to you by this amazing human adventure.
If you are ready for a deep dive into exploring your boundaries I can help. Click here to schedule a Spiritual Guidance & Exploration consultation call.