The Fives, My Catalyst Years

It’s birth month and I’m usually ALL about it starting mid-February. This year entire days have slipped by without thinking about it… yeah, I know its only March 5, but it’s still kind of a big deal for me to not be planning, planning, planning the entire month of March.

A tradition in my family is to celebrate the person on their day with a family dinner. Additionally, my mom, my daughter and I have birth days within a month of each other. We have missed very few years having a birth celebration day with each other. No plans this year. No pressure to plan this year. Maybe we will. Maybe we won’t. It’s still undecided and that’s okay. I’m oddly at peace with no plans. This has me thinking, going within to find what’s changed. Obviously its me and my mindset but recognizing if it’s a true mindset change, or the ego stubbornly pushing away the disappointment, is the question. Enquiring minds want to know (iykyk).

This birth month currently has me sitting in deep introspection. My age milestones have been on the fives – 25, 35, 45, and now 55. I’m kind of in awe looking back at 30 years of my history and where I am today. Who would have thought…not me for sure. Life was a rollercoaster until I embraced it and turned it into my Grand Adventure.

The Numerology: While all of the years would have their own numerological breakdown, just looking at a basic breakdown of 5 shows me it represents change, freedom, exploration, adventure and the five senses. The five resonates with prosperity, justice, knowledge, and mathematical understanding. It is controlled by Mercury. It also represents rationality, purity, and holiness.

25 I had a complete meltdown, we joked it was my midlife crisis early. I was 25, divorced, single mom of 2 babies, with a high school education, 2 part-time jobs, going to community college, no way in sight to get a good job to support all of us, and I was living with my parents in their tiny 2-bedroom apartment. I was taking risks almost daily – drinking heavily, going to bars and parties, then home with men I didn’t know. It was my rock bottom. I somehow secured a job with some upward movement and a man to take me away from all of it. We ended up moving away from my demons. Life settled for a few years, my entire focus on was raising kids and paying bills.

35 At 34 I was in a bad accident that should have killed me, but I walked away from it. I was rattled at a soul level. It was a wake-up call for my lifestyle. From 25 to 33 I had rolled through 3 intense romantic relationships that ended horribly. I had spent close to 2 years single and not dating to give myself an emotional break and focus on my kids. I was still a mess, just in a different area of life. By 35 I had finished a college diploma and was a few years into a decent-for-the-area job. My dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and I met my future husband. Still drinking excessively and spending very little time on self-growth.

By 45 I had been with husband #2 for 10 years and had what appeared to be a “good” life. We were able to modestly do pretty much whatever we wanted to do, had a beautiful new home, and in public appeared to like each other. 45 was the beginning of the end of our non-existent personal relationship. We spent 2 years trying to reconnect and rebuild. In the end we divorced. This decade taught me about personal connection and intimacy. This was also the year I had my first tarot reading and palm reading. They were life changing. Literally.

Here I am at 55. There doesn’t appear to be any massive life upheaval on the horizon. But I have respect for my 5-year catalysts and am curious if it will come throughout the year, or if it will be one big kaboom! July is the end of the 5th year of the shop being open; being an entrepreneur was never a goal of mine, and it has challenged me in great ways. Over the past decade I have come to realize that life IS a grand adventure. So maybe its my attitude change that has changed this 5-year milestone. This 5th year I am feeling positive and more at peace with myself and my life than I ever have. That doesn’t mean I don’t have challenges; it just means I have the tools I need to walk through those challenges rather peacefully.

My takeaways – Don’t underestimate the strength and abilities you have accumulated. No matter your age, give yourself the grace to recognize what you don’t know and be willing to learn. Embrace life as a Grand Adventure and you won’t be bored and rarely disappointed for long. Life does get easier with wisdom if you choose to pay attention to it. Wisdom comes with experience. Live. Love. Embrace this messy, amazing gift we have been given – Life.

Peace & Love to you,

Sarah

3/4/2024

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