Feelings, Emotions, Reactions – How to break the habit of reacting and start responding.

When you have a situation that makes you happy, joyful, excited, sad, angry, anxious, disappointed, or any feeling you experience – It. Is. All. You. It is a good time to learn how to own your emotions, your feelings, your reactions. Your re-actions are learned and become an ingrained, no-thought habit over time.

Think of this as breaking a habit. Is it simple or easy to break this habit? Kind of. The level of work depends on how much importance you put on how others effect you. If your reactions or feelings are always based on other people’s actions then you may have a bit of work to do to break this habit.

It’s a good time to feel your own feelings, not manipulated feelings based on the words or actions of other people.

Personally, I am a work in progress. I’ve come a long way over the past 20-ish years of working on this. My outer reaction is controlled when my emotions are triggered. I have learned to listen, then ask questions to figure out what is going on with the person I’m interacting with. I take time to respond, practice the pause. Guess what? 99% of the time whatever they have going on that is triggering me, has nothing to do with my actions. Practice the pause? But it’s the heat of the moment, I must get my 2 cents in there or it won’t be heard and I am right! Contrary to popular belief, you can take your time to work through your reaction and come up with a response. Or choose to not respond at all because 99% of the time it’s not about you.

So, what does that mean? If 99% of interactions with others have nothing to do with my actions, what is causing my emotional reaction? Huh. Wait for it… It’s ME! My baggage. My expectations. My conditioned reactions. My emotions and feelings. It is a continuous exploration of self to figure out why you are feeling disgusted, disappointed, angry, sad, anxious, excited, happy, joyful. Our conditioned re-action is easy enough to fix with a little self-awareness and one simple question.

It’s as simple as asking “why?”. Why is this person in my face? Why am I so excited? Why am I disappointed? When you have the answer to the first question ask why again. Why is this person angry? If you don’t know why start to really listen to what they are saying and let them run out of steam. This is your opportunity to practice the pause then respond. Once you have figured out that it is not personal its time to ask yourself why you took it personally. What triggered your emotional and feeling reaction and shut down your thinking ability?

If this is an abusive situation, get help. Immediately. This technique does not apply to abusive or potentially physical situations. Ever.

I’ve noticed that feelings have been narrowed down to base emotions, reactions have been pared down to a base emotion – happy, sad, anger, grief, fear, disgust, surprise or the new slang “triggered”. Outside of emotions is a huge array of feelings to describe our experience. Did you know there is a difference between feelings and emotions? There is. Emotions are bodily reactions activated through neurotransmitters and hormones released by the brain. Feelings are your interpretation of the emotional (physical) response, they are your re-action. Think of the fight, flight, freeze reactions, they are instinctual. Now think about how people are trained to experience those emotions but respond in exact opposite ways. Fortunately, this isn’t boot camp 😊

Learning to distinguish what you are feeling, the nuances, is incredibly important in breaking this habit. You need to be able to figure out your emotions and feelings to break the re-action habit. If you are interested, do an internet search for “emotion wheel”, there are plenty of free pintables to be found that break down base emotions into the feelings we experience.

If you want to get out of the emotional spiral of always reacting you must learn how to practice the pause to respond.

  1. Pause
  2. What am I feeling and why?
  3. Does it have anything to do with me?
  4. Do I want to engage in this event with this person?
  5. Respond

If you want more information or to expand on these thoughts schedule a consultation appointment for coaching at https://fourdirectionsalchemyscheduling.as.me/coachingconsult

A mantra meditation to help let go of the re-active self, to ground down into your true loving self.


The Spiral of Healing & Learning

As a child it was common for beautiful bright colors to swirl behind my eyelids whenever I closed my eyes. As a young adult I started to find those swirling colors to be a nuisance that kept me from falling asleep. I set about swallowing the swirling colors with blackness. Over many years of practice, I was successful.

Skip forward a few years and my young daughter comes to me asking about swirling colors behind her eyelids that keep her from falling asleep. I tell her my technique and off she goes. She is successful in an amazingly short time.

Skip forward 25ish years and I am shocked at what I have learned about those swirling colors and their significance, and I mourn all the lost time I could have been working with them. Then I think of my daughter and the disservice I did her by teaching her to suppress them.

This morning, out of nowhere, this memory came up. What I now know is that my lifetime up until 8 years ago was shielded from learning the esoteric and metaphysical for a purpose. The purpose is that I had a full spectrum of emotional and physical life experiences in my short 44 years. I wonder if I would have had the same growth if I had easy access to the spiritual tools that I had to work so hard to find and develop? I don’t think so. As for my daughter, I now recognize that she is a powerful force who is walking her lifepath as it is intended.

We are all walking our chosen path. Listen to your higher guidance and follow the path that feels right in your heartspace.

Blessings to you throughout your human experience.



Why aren’t you happy?

In numerous encounters this past week I had the privilege to chat with beautiful humans about happiness. And it came down to this…

Why aren’t you happy? This world is chock FULL of choices, options, opportunities, yet so many are living unhappy lives.

We have such a short time in this current human existence, why are you unhappy? Why do you keep making choices that do not serve your highest good and happiness? Why deny yourself happiness? The reasons, excuses, are plenty, but truly, we have such a short time here. Try to find your happiness.

Need help uncovering what makes you happy? I can help. Click here to schedule that initial call.

Numerology & My Math Trauma

The math struggle is real for many of us. I remember the humiliation that caused my trauma and fear of math. It was third grade, my math teacher called me out for not grasping the higher multiplication tables. He said I was holding up the entire class. That one brief, off the cuff comment was humiliating and has affected many areas of my life, but this is about numbers and math.

The remainder of my K-12 experience was not a fun math experience. I mercy passed the bare essentials. My last math class, the instructor realized I was transposing numbers in almost every problem. Dyslexia wasn’t a thing yet. I did double the work as he would circle the ones that were jumbled and let me fix them, so I could get a decent enough grade to graduate high school. Bless that teacher for giving me a glimmer of hope.

I was not eager to repeat the math trauma at the college level. I put it off. I have attended college off and on for the better part of 30 years. It wasn’t until the very last year that I tackled the math requirements. I was still intimidated and afraid. I passed! With a B average grade! It took ALOT of work, tutors, and Khan Academy to get those grades. I was proud of myself and it opened my eyes. Traveling the college math road I realized how often we use numbers in everyday life. My trauma and subsequent phobia of math disappeared. I made my peace. I still have to double check my work and remind myself that I can do this math stuff, but not nearly as often. Peace was made and numbers started to show me their magic.

This week I obtained my certification in Numerology! It is fun. It is intriguing. It is math! And I pursued it with no thought of having to do math, to manipulate numbers. It was purely the amazing way numbers show up in every moment that intrigued me into taking the course. It was during my final test chart, as I dug through a pile of scratch paper to find my notes, I was reminded of my college math year. I smiled and patted myself on the back. Oh the paths we take when we get out of our own way.

Remember when you were a kid?

This meme shook something in me. We’ve all seen it and maybe even said it. This time I experienced an Ah-Ha moment.

Why do adults respond this way? How did we lose our childlike fascination with the smorgasbord of options being an adult offers us? Why did we allow ourselves to be buried in a pile of cynicism and jaded view? Big questions. Until I started working through why this small, cynical, jaded string of words struck a chord in me this time, I never realized I’d been working on this for 30 years, pecking away at societal expectations, familial expectations, personal expectations so that I could live my authentic life and attempt to instill that way of being into my children. This meme opened the curtain for me to peer inside to the niggle that caught my attention. What I found was a bumpy path of bucking the system most of my adult life. Finding my core strength to stand up and say Enough! to all of the things that sucked the life out of me and my children. It started with baby steps and evolved into an almost instant knowing of what lights me up with joy, excitement, inspiration, and love. This path restored my childlike excitement for the smorgasbord of options this life offers. I rarely say no anymore because I have freed up committed time to things that do not serve me.

This brings me to the second reckoning this exploration brought me.

Let me start with this; trust me when I say I was not the perfect parent. I stumbled my way through raising 2 kids who by Divine grace and my best efforts are kind, contributing adults. I have questioned how, but have learned to accept that they just are, no need to question it.

I tell you this because I feel that the way we are raising our children, needs serious consideration. If our children are so eager to become an adult what does that say about their childhood? What are they experiencing that they want sovereign control over their life? Are we implementing to many rules? Do we need to turn off our helicopter tendencies and let our children make choices and experience the consequences? Is our expectation and often verbalized “just grow up!” resonating in a way that implies we do not want them to be children for long?

My best advice is this:
1. Choose your battles, not everything requires aggressive parental response.
2. Ditch 90% of your rules. You will be happier and so will your kids.
3. Let them decide, even if you know better. Choices help them figure out life on their own, and isn’t that the point, to have them grow up to be capable adults.
4. If it doesn’t light them up let it go, let them be a child.
5. Quit over scheduling them. See #4.
6. Play. You. Get down in it. Show them how you like to relax.
7. Ditch the expectations that don’t serve you or your family. Yes. You can.
8. You can choose. For you. For your family. You have unlimited choices. Let go of self-imposed limitations.
9. Revisit things you liked to do as a child. Can’t think of any? Take a turn at what the children in your life like to do.
10. Love. Your. Life. We have such a short time here, we owe it to ourselves to make this go’round The Best Day Evah!! (My grandson’s go-to phrase when he is doing something he’s never done before).

Thank you for sticking with me through this one. It was a bit of unpacking old beliefs and recognizing that I got this. And you can have it too. Click here for a Spiritual Guidance and Exploration consultation call.

Peace & Love,

Bad Ass Boundaries

With the current state of affairs I’ve had the opportunity to talk with many people about who, what, why they are in the emotional state they are in.

Boundaries keep showing up.

What are boundaries?

Do you use them to keep people out or to keep yourself in?

For me boundaries are more about keeping myself contained, protected, humble, kind, present and are a constant work in motion.

For instance, its rude to be part of a conversation but playing with your phone the entire time someone else is talking, this personal boundary is “be polite to others” and be present.

Or, not saying the first angry thought that pops into my head in any triggering situation, this personal boundary is my commitment to good communication and self-control of my opinions. Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one but I dont necessarily want to see (or hear) it.

Boundaries should be yours, applied to yourself. Not yours applied to other people’s behavior, looks, opinion, status, etc. You have no control over other people so set healthy boundaries for you and worry less about that other person. For instance, one of my biggest pet peeves and a boundary I have had to set for myself is people wasting my time. It’s on me to draw back and say I’m out, I am not giving this situation any more of my time. I could sling words at the other person, get them to acknowledge they are wasting my time, but convincing them is wasting even more of my time. I choose to put my boundary into play by politely saying my time is valuable and this does not make good use of it, I’m done now. Make your boundaries apply to you and life will be less stressful.

Boundaries to keep people out are a little tricky. Self-protection, it’s important but to much and your bubble is not letting any of the good stuff in. Are you using it out of fear, conditioning, lessons learned? And is it valid? When we have a fear, anger, trauma response it is easy to put boundaries into place that do not serve our highest good. That is the ego working hard to keep the bad thing from happening again. Whittling those responses down to the source and discarding as much as you can is important to your well-being.

Learned boundaries of bigotry such as racism, classism, or stereotypes are notions about what is wrong, harmful, or out of place in Your life, not the person you are judging. That boundary’s only purpose is to divide you from your earth-mates.

Figuring out Your bad-ass boundaries will take work, but the end result is worth the effort. With less to defend and judge you will have more time to BE in the current moment, enjoying the opportunities brought to you by this amazing human adventure.

If you are ready for a deep dive into exploring your boundaries I can help. Click here to schedule a Spiritual Guidance & Exploration consultation call.

Stand UP! Wake UP! Show UP!

My friend was talking about the current state of affairs and what is coming. She asked, “where will you be standing when the dust settles?”

I have had several epiphanies through our 2020 experiences to date. The past couple days of watching our cities burn and our people cry out in despair, fear, and rage, followed by this question, where will you be standing when the dust settles…

Consider this…
2020 lessons will continue until the majority find their heart center and wake up. Everything that has happened, is happening, is to open eyes and hearts. Let this year of chaos inspire you to reach out to your fellow man in support. More rage, seclusion, pulling back is not going to “fix” us, only open eyes, open arms, open hearts and a willingness to SHOW we are open to each other will fix us.

If you think this is naive, foolish, head-in-the-sand, Pollyanna, or impossible you might need to sit with yourself and figure out why you feel that way. Call me for some spiritual coaching to find your heart center and what has you all tangled up in there. We CAN take care of each other like reasonable, loving, kind human beings. If you are always waiting for the other person to be first, no one is ever first. Take the first step, reach out in support however you can. Stand UP! Take the first step. Be a kind, awake, aware human.

Peace & Love,

One Year ~ Thank You!

One year ago, this weekend, my mom and I kicked off a huge project, huge for us anyway. I had the biggest dumpster you could rent delivered to property I purchased seven months earlier and we went to work cleaning out the building that would become Four Directions Alchemy in five incredibly short weeks. The lead-up to this decision was seven months of city codes, architect, building contractor, and banking nightmare; obstacles and rejection on every path we tried. So, we decided to take the plunge, do it with what we had available to us and what we already owned. It has been a grand adventure I never anticipated in this lifetime. An education in our national business and financial systems. And the biggest, best lesson has been what I can accomplish with support from family, friends, and community.

In one day, mom and I filled half of a 30-yard dumpster to the top with leftovers from all the previous owners. With help from family and friends we hauled out enough trash to overfill that 30-yard dumpster. We swept up 100 years of dust bunnies, mouse houses, cig butts, lost coins, a never-ending supply of nuts & bolts, washers & nails, and miscellaneous small items. And we swept. And we swept. Old wood floors hold A LOT of dirt. We scrubbed floors, walls, and windows. We painted a little with help from family and friends. We made and trashed untold number of plans for the building and business as we worked through sprucing up 507 E. Dowland Street.

Two weeks into whirlwind remodel we had a no options break. We had promised the littles an end of school camping trip, so off we went to the east coast of Michigan to camp and see dinosaurs. It was three days we felt we didn’t have in terms of getting the building to opening condition, but as it goes, I wouldn’t trade that trip with my mom and my grandchildren for anything.

From the start of planning I educated myself and shopped for all things needed to run a retail and service business from Federal and State requirements to accounting systems to retail stock, mop buckets and wet floor signs, bags and tissue paper and cash register tape, and point of sale systems, marketing practices, costs & reach, consignment and rental practices; the list is huge and I could go on and on. Let’s go with it was mentally busy as well as was physically busy. A labor of love set upon to build a dream.
Target opening date, July 2nd, 2019. We did it! Four Directions Alchemy was a ready as we could make it in 5 weeks. We opened the door. And the people came. Thank you from my heart to yours for following our progress, shopping with us, reaching out and stopping by, sharing your gifts, talents, and time. Every opportunity has been a learning experience or a pleasure. Thank you.

One year later and we continue to work hard at sprucing up, fixing, adding to the building. 100-year-old buildings need a lot of loving attention. We are honored to become an established part of this local community, as well as building relationships with others of similar interest in the national and global communities. That saying we all know, it takes a village, is spot on. Community support is our lifeblood. Thank you for showing up in all the ways you do. I notice and appreciate every one of you that have shared social media posts, handed out business cards, posted flyers, brought in friends and family, shared emails, made recommendations, and shop here. I look forward too many years living in, working with, and supporting this community.

Blessings to you and yours for an abundant and prosperous year.
And so it is. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


My Duality

Listening to a talk on duality, light and dark, lightworkers and darkworkers, the light and the heavy…

For me this shines a bright light on my current lifetime, my path from childhood lightness to young adult darkness and back to experienced adult lightness.
In. This. Lifetime.

When we judge another person as good or bad we are limiting our experience. There is little doubt that what you see is what is happening in this moment. What I try to remember is that what I see isn’t the entire picture of that person. They are also an onion of experiences, emotions, and circumstances.

If you take a good look at your path, your decisions and actions, your circumstances judging others as good or bad, light or dark, worthy or worthless becomes pointless. We are aspects of both sides of the coin.

The Spiral of Life

This little reminder came up in conversation three times today so I’m sharing it with everyone.

Life is a spiral. Ever wonder why those old wounds randomly pop up? Especially those ones you thought you had laid to rest! I did.

Not long ago I had an epiphany, those life events you travel back to again and again have little to do with the actual event. You are being given the chance to view that event through your more mature, experienced viewfinder. Your higher self is saying you are ready to dissolve another layer of hurt. Another chance to work through the same event with a fresh new perspective. Another chance to lighten the load of heavy emotions.

So when that old wound visits you again, pat yourself on the back and say thank you to your higher self and your ego for agreeing that you are ready to heal another layer. 🌸Sarah