My Life – Intro to Mr. Wonderful

I wrote this 5 years ago and so much has happened since. I always felt this writing could benefit someone, but have not had the courage to publicly release it. I will continue the rest of the story another day…

A Sexually Repressed Marriage Debacle
Thursday, March 17, 2016, 9:26 AM

My marriage to a sexually repressed man.

All my adult life I have been a “sex twice a day” girl. If the urge was there I acted on it. Sex was fun.

After a relationship learning curve; a.k.a. a handful of failed relationships, lucky me, I meet my Mr. Wonderful. He is a handsome, hard working, and responsible man who likes to have a good time. I do the “good girl getting to know you” routine for a couple months and all is well.

The first kiss was awkward and I told myself that wasn’t unusual; first time jitters; maybe he is shy; it will get better with practice and knowledge of each other. Oh Boy! was I wrong.

Consider this fair warning, awkward first kisses lead to an awkward first time. If it is uncomfortable in any way, start talking, open those lines of communication and make sure they are honest.

Eleven years and a lot of tears later we are on the verge of divorce and it is still awkward.

My Mr. Wonderful has never gotten past whatever holds him back sexually. He still doesn’t kiss. Erectile dysfunction is something we deal with every single time we attempt sex. It has had a direct impact on our relationship, on me and on him.

Let me tell you my story and how lack of communication and sexual intimacy lead to an overall relationship killer.

The first few years I wasn’t concerned. I came up with so many excuses; He is shy, unsure of himself, uneducated about the female body…you name the excuse I’m sure I thought it.

Foreplay was good, but as soon as we got to penetration, he would lose it. We had this incident where he wanted to use a heating gel. I had never used one before, but was game. So I’m covered in this stuff, it’s hot and really sticky, and my nether regions are on fire. I have to stop all play and go wash it off. He closed up like a clam. This single incident helped fuel the excuses for a long time.

The next incident was modifying a position. He is quite a bit taller than me and it is mostly leg length. Doggy style is one of my favorite positions. He had this way of doing it that would spread my legs out like I was doing the splits. It was uncomfortable and limiting. I asked if we could change up our positioning to see if another way would work better, he would have more room to spread his legs and I wouldn’t be in the way. Over the past 11 years we have done it doggy style maybe 5 times.

The list of things that were tried once and never touched again is long. Almost every one of them I said I liked, some I said we needed to modify a bit for comfort and some just weren’t for me. Repressed communication and sexuality at it’s finest.

As time went on an erection during foreplay became hit or miss.

On my side, I had an orgasm probably 90% of the time we “successfully” had sex. Success was him staying hard enough to rock me to orgasm without slipping out. This gave me hope. I thought if he was going to make sure I was getting off it was okay, everything else would work out.  I reinforced what felt good to me while he was doing it. I stopped asking him to try different ways of doing what he wanted to do.

I asked him about his preferences while we were playing. I also tried different levels of touch on him to see what he liked.

I asked to many times to count “what can I do?” His answer was usually “nothing, I’m tired, drunk, stressed, or bad timing”. Other times he would apologize and roll over.  Sometimes the answer was “it’s not you, it’s me”. Don’t we all love that one!

So, I got busy and educated myself about many different flavors of sex and how the male anatomy works. I read about different types of self-control and exercises to help gain control of his physiological response.

I shared all of this with him as I found it. First very unobtrusively, I would give him articles to read, then follow up with him. He never read any of them.

When I realized he wasn’t going to read them I started trying to have a conversation about them. He would get snappy and end the convo.

I finally gave up. I left the stack of articles laying on his nightstand for 4 years until we moved to our new home. While packing I ran across them covered with a layer of dust and in the same order I put them there. I remember because I ordered them rated by importance based on what was going on and what I had read. That’s when my compassion all but died.

After compassion ran it’s course I was concerned. Is there something physically wrong that is preventing him from sustaining an erection. I felt I had tried every trick in the sex book at that point. Stubborn man refused to see a doctor for the next 6 years.

During the concerned stage I was also hurt. My feelings and self-esteem took a huge hit. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t sexually excite this man, my husband.

When we were out with friends he would say things with his buddies about “never getting any”, “my old lady hates sex”, etc. My comeback to these comments was along the lines of “do you want to go there? I can expand on this….” He would always back down, but the damage was being done all in good fun.

During this stage I started to experiment more in-depth with the different sexual flavors I had read about. One was pain. He liked quite a bit of pain and I was okay with that to a point. During this experiment I discovered things about myself; I could take the pain, but I wasn’t comfortable giving much, and I am very submissive. He needed me to give a lot of pain and take a little. I just couldn’t give him the level of pain he needed.

At this point I started to decline sex, not often, but I was hurting more and more. It seemed the experimenting caused a bigger rift in our sex life. I was sexually frustrated and genuinely hurt every time he lost his drive in the middle of playtime and left me hanging.

I started being more vocal about him going to the doctor and figuring out what the problem was. I started showing my frustration more. He was embarrassed and I was hurt. Not a good combination for figuring things out.

He also started blaming me for not wanting sex when he wanted sex; he blamed it on bad timing and made it clear it was because of me.

During this stage he stopped hiding his porn and sex aid use. It became very evident he was using both daily, sometimes multiple times a day. He had no embarrassment about it and at first I didn’t care. Eventually it had an impact; how could he successfully get himself off, but not perform with me. It reinforced my feelings of inadequacy; tore another hole in my self-esteem.

This stage lasted the longest as we both took jobs that required extensive travel. We spent the better part of three years seeing each other for 2 weeks every three months. When I look back on that time apart, it is very clear to me I was on the verge of the next stage and that that time preserved our marriage.

The next stage was anger. I was furious. This is when I realized it wasn’t me or anything to do with me. I was pissed. How dare Mr. Wonderful drag me along on this journey when he wasn’t participating. It became very apparent to me that he didn’t care what was going on as long as I didn’t rock his boat. So I checked out of the relationship.

We were working out of town and a couple things happened that pushed me over the edge from concerned to furious.

First, Mr. Wonderful had no idea where I was at. I was almost 1000 miles from home and 2000 miles from him for six months and all he could tell anyone was the State I was in. He had no idea what hotel, what city, or the name of the company I was working for. I realized he had no clue about 2 months in and started quizzing him; at first in good fun, but after a couple weeks of daily talks he still didn’t know. I got angry and stopped asking. This incident triggered a massive pull-back from me.

The second thing that made an impact was I came to realize that even when Mr. Wonderful and I had our reunions every three months or so, he was good for one go then it was over, most of the time he wouldn’t even try again. Thinking back over the three years we spent traveling, it was consistent. At one point I told him he couldn’t “take care of himself” until I got there. It didn’t make any difference in his performance.

Third, I had an affair, emotional and sexual. I met a man that got me and was attracted to me, plus all the things Mr. Wonderful was; hard worker, fun, responsible, and handsome. This man knew my history and remembered. He knew what was going on with me and asked me about it, even after we ended up 7,000 miles apart in opposite time zones. And he was sexually attracted to me.

So, here I am spending quality time with a man who represents everything I’m missing in my marriage; I’m furious and ready to call it quits with Mr. Wonderful; and we both get laid off our traveling jobs.

Wah, wah, wah….words cannot describe my disappointment.

It was a huge decision for me to say good-bye to Mr. Affair. He had opened my eyes and helped repair my self-esteem.

I called Mr. Wonderful to give him an update on my work status. Work status changed twice in a day, I was laid off today, then I wasn’t laid off until the end of the week. Every conversation we had after that he asked me if my leave date was the same as it had been (prior to lay-off), almost two weeks in the future. I had told him at least three times that I had been laid off.  His lack of attention to my life was screaming at me; he didn’t know where I was and had no idea I didn’t have a job.  After daily discussions.

At that point I decided to take a week off, relax and regroup. I had no urge to go home as I knew it would be more of the same. I was done dealing with Mr. Wonderful’s hang-ups.

But I had to go home eventually.

Mr. Wonderful and I go home to live together full time again. It was tough. I tried to jump back in and pretend everything was great. He knew something was wrong. For a while I lied and said everything was fine, “just adjusting to not working after 20+ years”. Finally, I couldn’t keep it in and let it all out.

He was “shocked” and “had no clue” his sexual dysfunction and disregard bothered me that much. I lost my mind that summer. So much time and energy, so many years of my life, and he was completely clueless. Where did I go wrong?

With that question spiraling through my head I realized I was starting the compassion, worry, anger cycle all over again. I pulled back to get a grip on my crazy thoughts and realized I needed to really step back from this relationship. I told him “no more sex” until he got his problem figured out. Absolutely do not touch me, it is over.

His first response was the blame game. It was all my fault because I never want sex when he does, I don’t like to try new things, and I lay there like a dead fish (his exact words). While it hurt to hear these things I had to take it and try to talk about it. I will admit, we have horrible timing. That covers when we both want to and trying new things. Our timing is the pits. The other, my “laying there like a dead fish”, was said to hurt me. When I asked him to explain what that meant to him, he had no answer. When I said what it meant to me, he agreed and said I wasn’t at all like that. I let that one drop as it was painful to me and he couldn’t explain why he said it.

His next response was to go to a men’s clinic for erectile dysfunction. Cool. A positive action. He comes home with an injection for his dick to keep it hard. I was devastated.

How could he think having to use drugs to have sex with me would be the first answer. It was difficult for Mr. Wonderful to understand that it wasn’t about the hard on. It was about feeling wanted, desired. A shot to make that happen isn’t the same as desire. The only way drugs would be acceptable to me was if there was a physical issue making it impossible to achieve an erection.

At the clinic he didn’t have a physical or even a conversation about why it was happening. The doctor asked “why are you here?” Mr. Wonderful says, “my dick doesn’t stay hard during sex and my wife is mad.” Bada-boom, bada-bing, here’s a shot to make her happy.

After an excruciating  conversation about what I was looking for, he goes back to the clinic. They actually give him a physical this time. There is nothing physically wrong with him other than his hormones are a little low; they are average for his age and nothing that should cause erectile dysfunction.

I was so certain he had a physical issue because of other abnormalities. It’s all in his head. Defeat.

I go through the motions hoping I can get back the trust and attraction from our early years. I’m far from perfect; some days are a better effort than others. My resentment is strong.

He works hard at making me feel guilty for “making” him spend the money to go through the doctor BS, and then not want to jump him every chance he gives me. It was a time of teary puppy eyes, snappy answers, and moping. Followed by serious sucking up. Him, not me.

He has opened up to me a bit more. We have had conversations about penis size, porn addiction, and timing; sexual and marriage counseling; open relationships and sexual history.  We have shared aspects of our life that we never talked about before. All of this talking, but performance issues are a wedge between us.

He is still a good guy that wouldn’t hurt anyone, works hard, and is responsible. But, my Mr. Wonderful is not so wonderful anymore. We have become roommates that sleep in the same bed. It all makes me very sad.

We are all flawed and just trying to make our way through life. I hope my story will inspire you to be honest with yourself and your significant other about all aspects of yourself. Complete, down to the bone, honesty is daunting but it is critical for a successful relationship.

Mr. Wonderful and I made some serious misjudgments about each other and kept our deep dark secrets a secret because we were afraid. That fear killed our trust in each other, my attraction to him, and it may kill our marriage.

Qualifications and Finding My Confidence

Qualifications and Finding My Confidence

Sunday, August 22, 2021

11:48 AM

Hi! This summer has been a whirlwind of expanding business, both my retail shop and my healing practice. It has opened me up to many, many new people and opportunities. I had an opportunity to vend a local music festival this month and jumped on it. I was vending metaphysical wares and my friend was offering readings and energy healing. I’ve spent the past week processing the experience of having people straight up ask what qualified me and my friend to do what we “claim” to do. Sometimes the question was legitimate, a person unsure of what they were getting, but mostly the questions felt antagonistic and mocking. I felt put under the microscope. It was a big lesson in recognizing my own worth and finding the confidence to speak my truth. Over the course of 3 days I noticed that when I stumbled around trying to name names of people I have studied with, the person asking typically lost interest; when I started saying “I have spent 20 years studying many avenues of spirituality, have been attuned to a bundle of energy healing practices, and have a giant toolbox of life experience that I draw from”, the person asking nodded with respect and asked more questions with more curiosity to their voice and words. So, did their tone and words change or did my perspective change with my choice of words and tone?

I value every teacher I have had, whether paid or through life experience. I don’t discount the value of learning from a world renown shaman, Reiki Master, Life Coach, etc, but I feel that the age of paying big bucks for something that is innate to us as human beings is at an end. Many of those well-known teachers led many to the light, but also tried to limit how much “students” could access. Its a new world and the ancient mystery schools are open for business if you slow down, tap in, and trust what comes to you. Guidance and school isn’t a bad thing as long as it doesn’t limit you and your growth. Life experience is part of that school. The things we experience shape us or show us. My mom has always said, “no one can take away your education”. I will add to that by saying stay open to Life School lessons. I’m learning that when the words I’m trying to say refuse to come out, they are not the right words for me. Someday they will flow smoothly, until then I continue to welcome the lessons.

My Life – Teen Mom

High school graduation was May 1987. In June I met a man 6 years older than me and fell head over heels in love. Within a month we were living together. Summer in a beach town for young people at that time was wild; beach in the afternoon with all your friends fueled by alcohol beverages and drama, work a part time job, then go to whatever party is happening after work. It was a summer of fun, freedom, and heartbreak. Friends left for college or moved out of our small town. Some went to work at local factories. It was typical of most small towns.

I had a full scholarship to a private business college about an hour away. I got so tangled up in living life over summer that I never followed through with housing plans. When September came knocking I was not prepared for college. My guy was adamant that I stay home with him. We talk about forever and having a baby. I go off birth control. I’m 18 years old and think I have the world by the tail. By November I am single and relieved I did not get pregnant. By the end of November 1987 my happy bubble burst after a lovely family gathering when I throw up Thanksgiving dinner and figure out I am pregnant. I tell the donor and he is over the moon happy. For a little while. Then it all goes bad. Again. Within 5 weeks of having my beautiful baby boy I am single. My family and close friends surround me with loving support. The year I was 18 was brutal. Built by my choices.

I’m 19, a teen-mom with a high school education and limited work options. I wanted more, but more seemed so far out of reach. Jobs were easy enough to come by, but they were low paying and crazy hours. I couldn’t afford a car and quality babysitters don’t do crazy random hours so work was sporadic. It was tough. My mom and my close friends got me through this period of life. Add to the struggle, I moved 13 times in 2 years to “hide” from the donor, sometimes on friends couches or in closet size rooms. With my son. It was not fun. There was no money. No. Money. I battled DHHS to not go after the donor for child support and won, but at a cost, less monthly assistance. I was immersed in struggle, fear, shame, guilt, indecision, and poor decisions. I had to work my tail off to get out of that hole. It was working jobs that sucked until a better one came along. I switched jobs more often than houses. It was living places that were subpar. It was wracking up credit and bills then not paying. Emotionally it was a rollercoaster, I filled my life with drama, alcohol induced “fun”, and connection via sex. The life lessons were intense and real during this time.

During this time, while moving from house to house, I spent some time with friends in an 1800’s victorian mansion. The house had been used in many ways before I moved in – a home, a brothel, abandoned for many years, an old folks home, then apartments. The house had experienced ALOT of death; murder, fire, natural. Many spirits lingered and made themselves known regularly. There was one particular spirit that was not happy to have people in his house. There was wind, not a breeze, a good cold, stiff wind in a stairwell with no windows. No matter where I was in that house I could feel eyes on me, my neck hairs always standing on end. It scared me. I moved out of that house as quick as possible. I have been able interact with earth-bound spirits since I was a young child, but had no idea how to deal with them. This was before internet, podcasts, etc. Finding information or people to talk with was not as easy as it is now. Add in growing up in a rural area that was strongly christian and thought any type of “woo-woo” was cause for hospitalization or  an institutional stay. I rarely talked to anyone about my abilities. My childhood best friend knew, my mom knew, but neither had any more knowledge than me. So, I worked really hard to shut it off. It took a few years to get it completely shut down, but I was successful… for 30+ years.

Through most of this time I dated a couple men, but its not until I meet the man who eventually became my first husband that life starts to settle and I make progress toward the life I want. I was 21. Sometime in the future I will write about the donor, the 1st husband, and my dream path that came from my teen-mom struggle.

Now, in this moment, I am sharing my story, healing lifetimes of emotional wounds, embracing my gifts, exploring ways to expand my spirituality and share the spiritual path with you. If you feel called to explore, heal, uncover, enhance your gifts click the link to schedule a free Consultation Call

My Life – A Year of Firsts

2016 was the year I decided to bust out of my blah life. I was READY to experience things. I read the book “I Dare Me: How I Rebooted and Recharged My Life by Doing Something New Every Day” by Lu Ann Cahn and decided that once a month was my goal. A friend and I made this our New Years resolution.

The year and this practice exposed many of my insecurities and showed me what I could do if I didn’t let my fears control my decisions. I have traveled many places since I was a child, but have always been reserved or flat out afraid to put myself out there, try things that felt threatening to me. While travel in 2016 gave me a lot of new experiences, the things I chose to do while at those places was me stepping outside my comfort zone. The work things stretched my view of myself and what my knowledge and experience is worth, it helped me figure out my version of imposter syndrome.

If you give yourself anything this year, give this a try. Start small or go all in. Do what you can. Eat different foods, read different books or magazines, go to different parks, explore your neighborhood, city, state, country. The best gift you can give yourself and your people is to explore and live. Shake up that routine and see what you discover.

Some of my Firsts:
Drove to Nevada- 4000 miles round trip
Toured the Hoover Dam
Slept in Winslow, AZ and Amarillo, TX – anyone singing yet ; )
Crossed the Mississippi River awake
Vacation in another country – Cancun, Mexico
Snorkeling
Catamaran ocean sail
MiHIMA Conference – National work conference, networked and put myself and my skills out there.
Kayaked the Pere Marquette River
Gypsy Goddess Festival – had my first tarot & palm readings
Started a new job
Electric Forest – electronic music festival
3 week work training that led to 3 weeks of brewery & restaurant tours in Grand Rapids, MI
Wine tasting tour in Traverse City
Magoon Creek Park – discovered this Lake Michigan beach park
Weekend tour of the middle of the Michigan UP including Canyon Falls and Munising
First in-person football game ever – U of M vs some team from Florida
Irish Music Festival, Muskegon MI
Denver, CO – Rocky Mountains
Lindsey Stirling @ Red Rocks Amphitheater
Lewis Farm Market & Zoo
Party bus – old grey hound converted, DJ and dance poles
Ate sushi and used chopsticks
Bronner’s Christmas Village
Legoland
Auburn Hills Aquarium

My Life – An Introduction

My Life – An Introduction

Sunday, June 20, 2021
5:36 PM

Hi, my name is Sarah. I’m currently a woman having a human experience. I’m following the Shamanic path, practicing sound therapy, and spiritual life coaching. I have struggled with sharing my history as I haven’t wanted pity, judgement, or any kind of negative impact on my growing business. On the other hand I think that my history is what gives me credibility in connecting and understanding. With these thoughts in mind I have decided to share parts of my life, the experiences that have shaped my way of thinking and being.

I will be blogging my experiences as they come to me, in no chronological order. I’m a pretty open book, so if you have questions please reach out, if its something I can share I will. If its something that resonates and you want to connect to talk about how to handle a similar situation I’m available for appointments.

How Do You Worship?

I recently had a conversation with my young-adult employees about the differences between worshiping and praying to deities, teachers, guides, gods, goddesses, or Divine Source. In this spiritual realm it is common to say “I pray to (insert name of preferred patron/god/goddess/ascended master) for guidance”. The conversation was insightful for me because I have never taken a good look at my boundaries around this subject.

I “worship and pray” to Divine Source, both God and Sophia, as well as Gaia. I start most of my days and all of my ceremonies with a prayer to them for Divine truth, love, and wisdom to guide me.

My guides, guardians, teachers and ancestors, these I talk to, ask for guidance, as well as give thanks and tribute for their support. They are masters of their craft for sure and Divine in their own right, but I do not believe they are Source Creator. Is that worship? To me it is not. I believe there is One Divine Source of all creation.

Do my boundaries get blurry? Absolutely. This conversation helped me realize I have a pretty firm belief system and define how I practice. There is no right or wrong in how You practice. There also is no rule saying it has to stay the same your entire life. That is the beauty of this human adventure, free will and the ability to experience life the way you want it.

We are all Divine, it’s right there inside of you.

Live Your Best Life,
Sarah

Spiritual Life Coaching, Guidance & Exploration (click here to schedule)

Feelings, Emotions, Reactions – How to break the habit of reacting and start responding.

When you have a situation that makes you happy, joyful, excited, sad, angry, anxious, disappointed, or any feeling you experience – It. Is. All. You. It is a good time to learn how to own your emotions, your feelings, your reactions. Your re-actions are learned and become an ingrained, no-thought habit over time.

Think of this as breaking a habit. Is it simple or easy to break this habit? Kind of. The level of work depends on how much importance you put on how others effect you. If your reactions or feelings are always based on other people’s actions then you may have a bit of work to do to break this habit.

It’s a good time to feel your own feelings, not manipulated feelings based on the words or actions of other people.

Personally, I am a work in progress. I’ve come a long way over the past 20-ish years of working on this. My outer reaction is controlled when my emotions are triggered. I have learned to listen, then ask questions to figure out what is going on with the person I’m interacting with. I take time to respond, practice the pause. Guess what? 99% of the time whatever they have going on that is triggering me, has nothing to do with my actions. Practice the pause? But it’s the heat of the moment, I must get my 2 cents in there or it won’t be heard and I am right! Contrary to popular belief, you can take your time to work through your reaction and come up with a response. Or choose to not respond at all because 99% of the time it’s not about you.

So, what does that mean? If 99% of interactions with others have nothing to do with my actions, what is causing my emotional reaction? Huh. Wait for it… It’s ME! My baggage. My expectations. My conditioned reactions. My emotions and feelings. It is a continuous exploration of self to figure out why you are feeling disgusted, disappointed, angry, sad, anxious, excited, happy, joyful. Our conditioned re-action is easy enough to fix with a little self-awareness and one simple question.

It’s as simple as asking “why?”. Why is this person in my face? Why am I so excited? Why am I disappointed? When you have the answer to the first question ask why again. Why is this person angry? If you don’t know why start to really listen to what they are saying and let them run out of steam. This is your opportunity to practice the pause then respond. Once you have figured out that it is not personal its time to ask yourself why you took it personally. What triggered your emotional and feeling reaction and shut down your thinking ability?

If this is an abusive situation, get help. Immediately. This technique does not apply to abusive or potentially physical situations. Ever.

I’ve noticed that feelings have been narrowed down to base emotions, reactions have been pared down to a base emotion – happy, sad, anger, grief, fear, disgust, surprise or the new slang “triggered”. Outside of emotions is a huge array of feelings to describe our experience. Did you know there is a difference between feelings and emotions? There is. Emotions are bodily reactions activated through neurotransmitters and hormones released by the brain. Feelings are your interpretation of the emotional (physical) response, they are your re-action. Think of the fight, flight, freeze reactions, they are instinctual. Now think about how people are trained to experience those emotions but respond in exact opposite ways. Fortunately, this isn’t boot camp 😊

Learning to distinguish what you are feeling, the nuances, is incredibly important in breaking this habit. You need to be able to figure out your emotions and feelings to break the re-action habit. If you are interested, do an internet search for “emotion wheel”, there are plenty of free pintables to be found that break down base emotions into the feelings we experience.

If you want to get out of the emotional spiral of always reacting you must learn how to practice the pause to respond.

  1. Pause
  2. What am I feeling and why?
  3. Does it have anything to do with me?
  4. Do I want to engage in this event with this person?
  5. Respond

If you want more information or to expand on these thoughts schedule a consultation appointment for coaching at https://fourdirectionsalchemyscheduling.as.me/coachingconsult

A mantra meditation to help let go of the re-active self, to ground down into your true loving self.

https://youtu.be/ps43KwRm6pQ

The Spiral of Healing & Learning

As a child it was common for beautiful bright colors to swirl behind my eyelids whenever I closed my eyes. As a young adult I started to find those swirling colors to be a nuisance that kept me from falling asleep. I set about swallowing the swirling colors with blackness. Over many years of practice, I was successful.

Skip forward a few years and my young daughter comes to me asking about swirling colors behind her eyelids that keep her from falling asleep. I tell her my technique and off she goes. She is successful in an amazingly short time.

Skip forward 25ish years and I am shocked at what I have learned about those swirling colors and their significance, and I mourn all the lost time I could have been working with them. Then I think of my daughter and the disservice I did her by teaching her to suppress them.

This morning, out of nowhere, this memory came up. What I now know is that my lifetime up until 8 years ago was shielded from learning the esoteric and metaphysical for a purpose. The purpose is that I had a full spectrum of emotional and physical life experiences in my short 44 years. I wonder if I would have had the same growth if I had easy access to the spiritual tools that I had to work so hard to find and develop? I don’t think so. As for my daughter, I now recognize that she is a powerful force who is walking her lifepath as it is intended.

We are all walking our chosen path. Listen to your higher guidance and follow the path that feels right in your heartspace.

Blessings to you throughout your human experience.

Sarah

8/12/2020

Why aren’t you happy?

In numerous encounters this past week I had the privilege to chat with beautiful humans about happiness. And it came down to this…

Why aren’t you happy? This world is chock FULL of choices, options, opportunities, yet so many are living unhappy lives.

We have such a short time in this current human existence, why are you unhappy? Why do you keep making choices that do not serve your highest good and happiness? Why deny yourself happiness? The reasons, excuses, are plenty, but truly, we have such a short time here. Try to find your happiness.

Need help uncovering what makes you happy? I can help. Click here to schedule that initial call.

Numerology & My Math Trauma

The math struggle is real for many of us. I remember the humiliation that caused my trauma and fear of math. It was third grade, my math teacher called me out for not grasping the higher multiplication tables. He said I was holding up the entire class. That one brief, off the cuff comment was humiliating and has affected many areas of my life, but this is about numbers and math.

The remainder of my K-12 experience was not a fun math experience. I mercy passed the bare essentials. My last math class, the instructor realized I was transposing numbers in almost every problem. Dyslexia wasn’t a thing yet. I did double the work as he would circle the ones that were jumbled and let me fix them, so I could get a decent enough grade to graduate high school. Bless that teacher for giving me a glimmer of hope.

I was not eager to repeat the math trauma at the college level. I put it off. I have attended college off and on for the better part of 30 years. It wasn’t until the very last year that I tackled the math requirements. I was still intimidated and afraid. I passed! With a B average grade! It took ALOT of work, tutors, and Khan Academy to get those grades. I was proud of myself and it opened my eyes. Traveling the college math road I realized how often we use numbers in everyday life. My trauma and subsequent phobia of math disappeared. I made my peace. I still have to double check my work and remind myself that I can do this math stuff, but not nearly as often. Peace was made and numbers started to show me their magic.

This week I obtained my certification in Numerology! It is fun. It is intriguing. It is math! And I pursued it with no thought of having to do math, to manipulate numbers. It was purely the amazing way numbers show up in every moment that intrigued me into taking the course. It was during my final test chart, as I dug through a pile of scratch paper to find my notes, I was reminded of my college math year. I smiled and patted myself on the back. Oh the paths we take when we get out of our own way.