The Problem With “It’s Your Beliefs”

Have you ever had a moment where you don’t feel seen or maybe they have completely missed the mark on who you are and what you do? Its been an ongoing theme in my business and recently while doing some inner soul work I recalled an event with my mom and grandparents that has me re-evaluating the community misconceptions about my business and standing.

I was 34 years old, with two kids, my own home, and almost ten years into a career when my grandparents gave my great grandmother’s china to my mom to “hold onto until Sarah is more responsible.”

And I remember thinking… wait, what? In my life, I had already crossed that threshold. I wasn’t that rambling, directionless version of me anymore. But in their minds, I still was.

That moment has been sitting with me, and it’s brought to mind something I hear all the time in personal growth spaces—if something isn’t working, it’s your beliefs. Your mindset. Something inside you blocking it.

This mindset can feel legitimate, safe. But when you peel away the self-gaslighting and take a good look, there is always more to it—outside influences that do matter.

And sure, personal beliefs matter. But they aren’t the whole story.

I run a business in a small town, and there are people who have opinions about my shop who have never even walked in. That’s not my mindset—that’s how small communities work. Limited population, word travels sideways, trust takes time, and sometimes people decide what they think before they have any real experience. You can’t mindset your way out of that. It’s just part of the environment you’re building in.

And once you start noticing it there, you realize it’s not just business. It shows up in everyday life too.

Or maybe you or someone you know gets sober, does the work, changes everything, and still gets treated like who they used to be. Someone softens, grows, tries to do better, and people still keep their distance.

That’s not a belief issue. That’s perception catching up slowly—or not at all, which matters, because we don’t live in a vacuum. We live in relationship to other people, their memories, their assumptions, and the pace at which they update how they see us.

At the same time, not everything is “out there” either.

One of the first steps, if something isn’t working, is to turn the mirror on yourself. Not in a blame-y, tear-yourself-apart kind of way—but in a clear, honest way. Am I actually showing up? Am I being clear in what I’m offering or asking for? Am I following through, or just thinking about it? Am I adjusting when something isn’t landing, or repeating it and hoping it will?

That kind of reflection isn’t punishment. It’s part of being responsible for your own life. Because it’s never just one thing. It’s what you believe, yes—but also what you do, how consistent you are, what people see, what they remember, and the environment you’re operating in. All of it is interacting, all the time.

So yes, look inward. That matters. But also look around. Look at what’s actually happening in your life, your relationships, your work. Sometimes the answer isn’t that you don’t believe enough. Sometimes it’s that things take time. Sometimes something needs to shift. And sometimes you’re working within a reality that has its own limits and patterns.

Welcome to life—a mosaic of responsibility, reflection, and influences outside our control…a Grand Adventure.

For my supporters, thank you. Below are a few reflection prompts to guide you through deciphering is it me, them, or geography/community.

Reflection: Clear Seeing

After reading this, take a few minutes and actually look at your life—not through what you’ve been told to believe about it, but what’s actually there.

You don’t need to fix anything right now. Just notice.

Where in your life do you feel unseen or misunderstood?

Is that coming from something you’re doing… or from how others are still perceiving you?

Where are you expecting things to shift quickly, when they might just need more time?

And where might you need to be more honest with yourself?

Not harsh. Not critical. Just honest.

Are you showing up clearly?

Are you asking for what you want?

Are you following through, or sitting in the idea of it?

Now look at the external side.

What part of your situation is shaped by environment, timing, or other people?

What isn’t yours to carry… even if you’ve been told that it is?

And what is yours?

Sit with that distinction for a minute.

You don’t need a big breakthrough here, just a clearer picture.

Because once you can see what’s actually happening—without collapsing everything into “it’s all me” or “it’s all them”—you can start to move differently.

Not harder, just more accurately.

Blessings to you.

Peace and Love, Sarah